Ph.D : Problem Hantui Dara

I was 28 and single when I started my study. After 4 years, I am still YSL (young single and lovely). I wrote this because I want to show you how we and some people become shallow and sceptical when a single lady voiced out that she wanted to pursue her study to a higher education.


Back then, when I asked permission from my parents, they were so happy and they encouraged me. Alhamdulillah (thanks to God), I got the offer. I was happy and of course, the news broke to orang kampung.
Many congratulated me, as usual, I'm sure you have heard things like "Waa...rajinnya kau, bagusla..anak Malaysia nak belajar tinggi2" (its good to hear u want to pursue, its a pride of nation), etc. But, I'm 200% sure that you will also get this kind of statement "Tapi tu la, kalau belajar tinggi-tinggi sangat, orang tak berani nak meminang"(but, if you study in a higher level, men will get scared and wont propose you). My late grandma even said to me "tak laku la nanti belajar tinggi2. Lelaki taknak"(You wont have any value because men dont want you).


My parents too received many congrats-cum-insinuation comments. "Zull (my papa), tahniahla, tapi anak perempuan kalau belajar tinggi2 pun, ke dapur jugak" (Zull, congrats but it is not worth for a daughter to study in a higher level because she would do the typical kitchen work anyway). I simply answered, "Papa, at least your daughter will go to kitchen with half of her neuron contributing to society. Insya Allah, right?" Papa smiled. And, now I think I cooked curry better that their daughters.


At 28, still naive, I was taken aback by the statements. I admit that at one point, what they said may be true. What if men refuse to hand in the marriage proposal if they know that I'm studying for Ph.D? Infact, at that time, I just had a broken relationship with my ex-bf because he gave me reason "Tak payahla buat Ph.D, Master pun cukupla, kawin nanti jaga abang" (No need to do PhD, enough with your Master. After we get married, you just take care of me).


Phew, I'm fortunate that I went my path.


But, how many of us (the singles) dare to make such decision ? We have seen many brilliant ladies given up their ambition just to get married. And we have heard that many ladies friends grunted "You are fortunate you could pursue your study. I'm already married, it is hard for me..bla..bla. I wish..."


Dont get me wrong. I'm not against marriage.


However, to give up your ambition just because you are scared that u wont get married and feel inferior if people call u 'andartu @ andalusia' (old maid) is not a wise decision. You can be 'andartu' even if you dont do PhD. So what with andartu ?


And ladies, let's be frank here. Do you think that you will earn more respect from your bf/husband if you give up your ambition? Or will you feel satisfied when you have to 'lower' down your intellectual just because you have the feeling that you need to respect your bf/husband? Or simply think like "oklah, i give up, u r man and should be a leader. I'll follow whatever you say (even though I know that I'm right)"

Ladies, there is one thing that you should always remember. Jodoh ditangan Tuhan (Marriage destiny is in God's hand). Instead of succumbing to the 'old-fashion' statement, you should always remember there are many good, logic and brilliant gentlemen looking for the YSL & brilliant ladies like you. The 'resources' never dry.

Dont waste your time thinking about Kasim would reject you if you further your Ph.D. Dont wait by the phone waiting for Jeff Chi to call and got panic attack if he didnt return your call- fearing that he left you with another non-PhD girl. Just leave Maniam out of your mind space if he thinks that your intellectual argument insulting him.

Because, I believe, a gentleman is a man who understand & respect what you like and thinks that you are sexy when you criticize his ideas !